My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
