Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
