they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
