Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
