i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
