my vag is so smooth its legendary
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
