Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
