that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is Oprah even human
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
