ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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