I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
