WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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