how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
