My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
