6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
