She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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