dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
