SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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