I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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