Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
