when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
