have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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