loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
