Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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