I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There are leaves in my underwear?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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