apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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