im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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