Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
