Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
