I wish I could punch you in the face.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
