I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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