Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
