just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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