she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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