Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
