sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
