dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
