just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
