How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
