I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
