are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
