I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
