why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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