im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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