thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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