She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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