I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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