I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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