Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
