At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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