I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
