Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
