is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
