somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
