i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
