Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
