Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
