you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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